Monday, June 16, 2008

Hot Garbage Magical Subway Ride

It started maybe around 3:40 pm Saturday. I was on the bus listening to a song that sampled an old joint that you might remember. It goes like "she's a bad mamma jamma" but a rapper also added to this praise of a woman by saying something like "she had an apple bottom and a pony tail". And right at that moment some Spanish chick with an apple bottom and a pony tail sat down in the seat in front of me. Nice.

I finally got to the Greyhound station at around 4 and saw a couple that looked like they could have been inbred. I know, I'm so nice right? The station looked so shitty it reminded me of Port Authority in NYC. The man of the couple is standing over an arcade machine and playing with it's attached steering wheel despite not depositing any coins. Then he grabbed a plastic gun on another arcade game and made gunshot noises. Despite not depositing any coins.

The couple then appeared to wrestle with each other. Perhaps I'm mistaken. It could have possibly been a mating ritual they picked up from their parents...most likely grizzly bears. This Greyhound station needs to be taken behind the shed and put down.

At the risk of sounding like I'm an elitist, a snob or that I am too good for this station and it's paying customers, I am too good for this bus station and it's paying customers. Now there is a lady across from me talking to herself. Oh did I mention, the big guy, Figure 1.0 of why you shouldn't mate with your cousin is reading a Star Wars paperback. I'm so judgmental but who cares. I felt like writing.

It's the day after I got back to Binghamton NY. The change is too dramatic to even use the word dramatic to describe it. Yellow automobiles don't litter the streets. I don't see gay guy's with shiny silver shoes, no berry's are pink, no smell of hot garbage and the only subways around sell sandwiches.

NYC definitely has it's pluses and minuses. It is an overpopulated, dirty place but it has a lot going for it. It taught me some things too: There are a lot of dirty mafuckas in this world, Mimosa's are good if you had vodka on the rocks in abundance the night before and brunch exists. Seriously, brunch is new to me. I sometimes have breakfast in the afternoon but I don't complicate it by calling it brunch. I also learned Brooklyn > wherever the fuck you live in NYC.

But that's not all. I learned that your pockets get raped continuously by the city's cost of living. Taxi's have better monitors than my desktop PC. Jazmine's floor is rather comfortable when you're drunk. I learned I can navigate the subway system like a big boy and make it to my bus home just as they are boarding. Thus I avoid the pre-boarding security check and I don't get caught with the rifle taped to my leg. I kid, I kid...or do I?


thirtydaes said...

not nice, my new friend. great writing, but you dissed my city. ;-)

Model Minority said...

You stink. Why you ain't ping ME? Im in BK....

JK said...

Ha my bad. I was in Bed Stuy. I wasn't even there for 24 hours, I was in a haze. Everything happened so quickly and I had alcohol in my system more often than not. And my bad thirtydaes. I heart NY, it just smells funny sometimes.

Christopher Reinhard said...

"This Greyhound station needs to be taken behind the shed and put down."

Reminds me of Dave Attel's stand-up line about terrorists never going after bus stations: "Damn...somebody already got this bitch."